"Immature humorist borrow; mature humorist steal"
-Mark Twain

There does seem to be a whole bunch of mock drafts, humor, real, or otherwise imagined on the internet. Not so many for baseball, which will have it's upcoming 2007 entry draft televised for the first time this year (First Round). There are still no trades, so I cannot figure out a reason why someone would want to watch it. Here's a hint: The poor teams take the non Boras client picks, and the rich teams take the Boras clients. Anyways, Here is a mock draft of things your team should go get! (Draft order courtesy of Sons of Sam Horn)

1. Devil Rays (61-101) Realignment- They have to get the hell out of the AL East if they want to have any hope ever.
2. Royals (62-100) Ted Williams' DNA and A Cloning Machine- Either that or keep giving Gil Meche more money.
3. Cubs (66-96) A Homeless Guy to kill- Get some fresh arm ligaments in there quick.
4. Pirates (67-95) Barry Bonds' Last 15 Seasons back- Maybe they should have kept him.
5. Orioles (70-92) One Heart Attack- Any better ideas to get rid of Angelos?
6. Nationals (71-91) The 1994 Season to be uncanceled- YOPPI
7. Brewers (75-87) Everyone forgets who used to own us- It would help.
8. Rockies (76-86) A shovel- Time to get down to sea level.
9. Diamondbacks (76-86) To be less boring- I dunno crap about them.
10. Giants (76-85) The Fountain of Youth- THEY ARE OLD, GET IT?
11. Mariners (78-84) Japan- Felix can't do this without some more help.
12. Marlins (78-84) Loria to fall into MT. Doom- Precious must keep precious money.
13. Indians (78-84) Charlie Sheen- Bullpen help!
14. Braves (79-83) One of the Yankee's World Series Ring sets- (Buffalo Bills joke)
15. Reds (80-82) Ken Griffey Jr. when he was good- Ask the Cubs for spare hamstrings.
16. Rangers (80-82) Steroids- It worked in the 90's!
17. Astros (82-80) Finding someone dumb enough to do the Glen Davis deal again- Curt Shilling/Steve Finley/Pete Harnisch. Hello O's fans!
18. Cardinals (83-78) AA Chapter- Well, yeah.
19. Phillies (85-77) Billy Martin/Earl Weaver- WAKE UP YOU PUSSIES.
20. Red Sox (86-76) Prozac- Cheer up, you dunces.
21. Blue Jays (87-75) HOLY SHIT, WE HAVE A WATER SLIDE AND OUR ROOF OPENS?- Yeah, what they said.
22. Dodgers (88-74) Zombie Branch Rickey- Your GM's have been horrible.
23. Padres (88-74) Anti Incest psychotherapy- Wacky Giles brothers!
24. Angels (89-73) Things with a pulse that are better than their #4 hitter- Poor Vlad.
25. White Sox (90-72) Miss Manners training- For Stabby McShanker the manager.
26. Athletics (93-69) Your Team's prospects- Suckers.
27. Tigers (95-67) Guitar Hero 2- The pitching staff is bored again
28. Twins (96-66) A Sex Boat- The Vikings are so much more interesting.
29. Mets (97-65) A truckload of crack- There might be a way to get the Yankees of the front page.
30. Yankees (97-65) Ritalin- You know with the Red Sox taking drugs the Yankees would do the exact same thing.

So enjoy the real draft on June 7th. Oh wait, that's a Thursday, at 2PM EST. On ESPN2. Nevermind.

~Mike

Labels: 2007 MLB Draft